Speaking up about Childhood Trauma "It's Our Little Secret"
As part of my on going healing and my journey to help others in their healing, I want to talk about Childhood Trauma and about the traumas I personally went through, in the hope it may help others. This is written in a very matter of fact way as I've had many years to deal with the emotional side and have indeed healed a vast amount of the deep issues formulated in those early years of my childhood.
From an age that I don't recall up until the age of 10 I was raped and sexually abused by my Step Dad with my Mothers knowledge. My Mother also physically and emotionally abused me as a result of the fact she knew her husband was raping me. The very person who was supposed to be my protector and guide in life hated me, every part of me, and she showed me daily.
My main protector in life would knowingly leave me with my stepdad while going away for weekends, put me out onto the street daily/literally locked out to what I wanted while they worked, hit me every time she would have to brush my hair, left me with endless baby sitters that didn't care less and barely fed me, she would gather up grass or rice telling me they were spiders and maggots and chase me so I ran blindly into doorways petrified of what she was going to throw on me, broke hairbrushes and wooden spoon over my arse, made me sit in cars for hours on end while they would go out for the night.....the list goes on. My Mum generally took any opportunities she could to show me hate rather than love. My step Dad raped me and generally took advantage of the fact I was unloved by my Mum and easy to groom as all I wanted was love which he was quite happy to show me.....
By the age of 10 my primary school acted in an amazing way after they suspected something and notified Social Services and the Police. I was swiftly taken from my Mother and Step Dad and placed with my paternal father, his wife and new baby. I give full credit to the Head Teacher of my primary school for intervening and to this day I wish this Lady so much love for her courage to step in. If you ever Suspect a Child is being abused then please DO act without Fear as this Lady did! It does change so many peoples lives so drastically, but please have the courage.
After a very long court case with my Mother backing my Step Dad ( her even providing false evidence to the courts to explain the physical evidence of a broken hymen in her child, telling them I did it to myself with a coat hanger - yes you just read that right she accused her own 10 year old daughter of losing her virginity to a coat hanger !!) ...he was deemed "Not Guilty",
It was the 80's and pedophilia was ripe and harassment of women in general was accepted as a bit of fun! It was a case of a 10 year old girls word against a grown man, a member of the Rotary club, a Free Mason, a childhood actor and all round "good business man".
To this day he lives his life posting on Facebook garnering attention for his previous role as a child actor in a well known cult tv series.....
To this day grown Women publicly tell this man how they adored him as a child and how much their own children love to watch the programmes now, and grown Men kiss his arse to say how much they wanted to be him as a child....
To this day he has access to children and the internet and is free to do as he pleases without being monitored....
To this day the Law still prevents me from getting justice, as he was already taken to court many years ago and found "not guilty"even though I was 10 and he was a Grown Adult with Barristers ....
To this day many other children (and grown adults) will be living with that same reality!
Now this may be an uncomfortable read for some and you may well wonder why I would want to share this "dirty laundry", well I will tell you. I want to break down the stigma and conditioning to NEVER talk about it. I feel this conditioning that society forces upon us (and that the abusers count on for you to keep their secret), needs to be confronted and eradicated! This shield of Silence does nothing to help the Abused and does everything to protect the Abuser.
The fact that people who have been abused should then be expected to keep silent about it because it is uncomfortable listening for others infuriates me also. I have been told so many times in my life when I wanted to talk about the details that "It's all in the past" or "just forget about it". Code for "omg I really can't listen to what you want to talk about as it makes me feel uncomfortable/sick to the stomach/angry!".
An abused child:
* Keeps silent out of fear
* Keeps silent out of loyalty
* Fears being labelled as "damaged goods"
* Knows society doesn't want to listen or give abuse a platform
* Feels it is their fault and that have been asking for this to happen to them
* Doesn't want to upset others by sharing the details
* Fears it will break up the family
* Feels disgusted and guilty
* Fears reprisal/verbal or physical backlash from others
If someone ever wishes to trust you and openly talk to you about their childhood trauma then please just listen to them and be patient. They have been trained from an early to keep the most horrendous secret (my abuser always used the cliche term "it's our little secret") and by listening you are helping them to overcome breaking the pattern of being a conditioned/groomed person who is dutifully bound to stay silent. It can be particularly hard for men and women to open up about sexual abuse due to the stigma, so extra patience is needed when listening.
If you are reading this and you suffered Childhood Trauma then please open up to someone about it. Talking and opening up about the Trauma is the first step to HEALING your Trauma. Sometimes it is easier to speak to another sufferer, a Healer or even a Counselor, but please take the steps to start bringing your Trauma to the surface for healing.
Julie Poole is a Beautiful Soul I follow on Youtube and is also very open about her own Childhood Sexual Abuse and she has a full playlist to help others with their healing.
"This playlist contains self help videos on Childhood Sexual Abuse, or CSA. I hope it helps you. As a therapist specialising in CSA I created these videos from my book, 'Moving Past the Past'. They contain a lot of information to help you to understand yourself, your behaviour and to help you to heal. They are also for the family of survivors, so that they can better understand their loved ones' issues."
By writing this blog, I pray that it may be of use to aid the Healing for yourself or for someone you know to overcome Childhood Trauma. I am here via email, phone or in person to offer my support and guidance in way I can and I will be writing more blogs shortly to highlight things that can aid the healing/overcoming and also some of the positives that can come from Childhood Trauma.
What happened to you in Childhood does not have to define the rest of your Life and it is possible to Heal and be Whole, to Love and be Loved and to then help others with their Journeys of Healing!
If you have not Reported Sexual Abuse you have been experiencing, THEN PLEASE DO SO!
By speaking Out - you can Break the Cycle.
If you got this far in reading this Blog then Please take the time to read the next blog I have written leading on from this one about the POSITIVE things I have gained from living a Traumatic Childhood! There is Light at the end of the tunnel if you take the time to address your issues, bring them to the surface and start healing! Please do Take care and extra Love to all those who are on this journey of self healing from Past Childhood events.
Namaha, Lisa x
Breaking the Silence about Childhood Trauma | Dani Bostick